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April Fool’s Day

By Justina Wuebker

It was a two-hour drive to go see my friend Jake, but I really missed him. He didn’t go as far away for college as I did. He only went a half hour away from home. I could drive the extra half hour to visit my parents too, but instead I wanted this weekend to be about Jake. It didn’t turn out to be about him though; I ended up telling him about my best friend Brittany because we’d all gone to high school together. Brittany and I had hung out with him all the time. I was in love with him; he knew that.  He was in love with me; I knew that too.  He puts more emphasis on the “was” in that sentence than I do.

-line break-

We never dated, so there was no crazy breakup or anything. A year ago or so we had a couple of months of hand holding and more cuddling than usual and then one night when I’d drank almost a whole Nestle water bottle of 5 O’Clock Vodka and the effects were wearing off, I’d gotten the courage to tell him I loved him.  He’d dropped me off at my house and we were standing there in my mother’s hair salon, just enjoying each other’s company.  We actually got into this awkward hug sort of thing when we said goodbye, because neither of us wanted to leave, but neither of us had the courage to do anything either.  “It’s now or never,” I told myself. We were both standing there, my arms reaching clear up in the air to hug around his neck.  He was a lot taller than I thought he was. He must have grown a few inches since I’d graduated three years ago. His arms were around my waist, holding me tight to the potbelly he had never been able to get rid of.

“Jake, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“No really, Jake, I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.”

“Oh... really?”

“Yeah, you’re the most wonderful, fantastic, awesome person I’ve ever known. And even if we don’t end up dating—”.  I should have noticed that part, but I was too caught up in what my best friend was saying to me. “—I’ll still think that.  Cuz really, you’re a great person.  I know you don’t believe that all the time, but you are.”

I leaned up then and kissed him.  It was awesome.  He kissed me some more after that, and then he actually did have to go or his mom would get upset.  He was staying at home that weekend and his mother was very overprotective.  Fortunately, she loved me so all he had to do was say that he got caught up talking at my house and she’d cut him some slack.  She had a hard time adapting to his leaving for college, even though that was two years ago.

It never worked out.  I’d gone back to school when the weekend was over and he’d called me the one day to say that he was scared it would ruin our friendship and he didn’t want that.  So, of course, that put a bit of a damper on our friendship for a while.  We’re starting to get closer now, but I don’t tell him all of my deepest darkest secrets anymore. It was like betrayal, especially since he’d started dating someone a week or so later.  I hated her.  Not because she was with him, but because of the way she treated him.

-line break-

Jake and I were discussing Brittany on the phone while I was on my way there. She had been in a whole mess of trouble before.  It was as if trouble just followed her around. It’s not all her fault though. She’s got a very over-protective mother and stepfather who are getting a divorce, and a very under-protective father who just remarried.  Oh, and her father is transsexual, which is not something she ever thought she would be adjusting to, but he has a lot of cool clothes that he lets her borrow.  She just met him last year and she is living with him now so that she doesn’t have to live in the dorms of the college she is going to. Her latest thing is with her current boyfriend, Zach. The college she went to was conveniently a half hour from mine, so we still conversed a lot.

We’d been carrying on and laughing through text messages about how we were fooling people into thinking that I was pregnant because it was April Fool’s Day. It was funny because I was a virgin, yet some people still believed it. I even bought a pregnancy test to freak my roommates out. Brittany said that her dad, Mike, had called her boyfriend who was in California at the moment because he was a semi driver.  Mike had told him that Brittany’d fallen down the stairs and was at Allen hospital.  She sent me his number so I could text him later and act like I was freaking out and wondering if he knew anything.  She liked older men; Zach was in his late twenties. I wasn’t sure exactly. Why keep track when it will be someone knew in a few months? She scared me then though, when she said that since I had just taken picture of the box for the pregnancy test to send to people, rather than using it, she might need to use it in a week or so.  I sent her a message “What!?!?” Apparently, she’d been off birth control for 3 months.

-line break-

“And that is not a girl who should ever go off of birth control, Jake!”

“I know.”

I pulled into the parking lot of his dorm and he came out to greet me. He walked me back inside while I kept telling him about what happened.

-line break-

The last time Zach had been home, for only two hours mind you, he didn’t have a condom with him. He didn’t pull out either. Brittany was apparently fine with this.

I’d gone on with my day for a while, watching Mandy Moore in How To Deal and wishing I could look like her. The usual. Then I got another text from Brittany. She was crying. Zach had called and was very mad about Mike’s little joke.  He’d stopped speaking to her, wasn’t answering her calls.  I texted him for her, but he didn’t answer me either. Crying over a boy was a normal occurrence for her, so I wasn't too concerned. Then it got worse. I’d gone back to watching a little more of the movie when Britt had actually called me.  Her voice, while already gravelly when she was normally talking, was softer and whinier. I figured it was just her crying about Zach not answering her calls still.

“He’ll get over it in a little while Britt, he’s just upset because he cares about you and didn’t think the idea of you getting hurt was funny.”

“It’s not that… Nikki, I just got a call from his wife.”

It was a joke, it had to be, we both agreed.  He was paying her back for the prank Mike had pulled on him.  She’d said they would be married for almost 5 years soon; their anniversary was in a few months.  She had just seen Brittany’s number on the phone bill a lot lately and was wondering who her husband was talking to so much.

-line break-

“What a dick!” Jake said. He grabbed a couple of beers out of his fridge.  “You want one?”

I nodded and grabbed it from him, reclining back on the big cushy couch in his living room so I could continue telling him the story. He sat down next to me so I shifted and leaned up against him.  I figured I might as well get comfy.

-line break-

Brittany called her back then and asked if she was serious, if this was some sort of sick April Fool’s Day prank. It was not a prank. Brittany’s boyfriend of three months now was, in fact, married. Actually, not just married, but they had children together.  They had a four-year-old boy. His wife was pregnant, three months pregnant actually.  Brittany called me.

“Can you come pick me up? I’m at a birthday party and I just can’t fake being happy anymore. I’m sitting outside the AMVETS in their parking lot watching the guys playing baseball across the road.”

“Are they shirtless?”


“Oh, well then is it really worth watching them?”

“Not really, but there’s nothing better to do out here. Please hurry?”

I grabbed my keys and started heading out the door of my dorm room as I asked her for the directions.  Then I called my friend Katie to see if she wanted to ride with me and she agreed to meet me in the parking lot, since I was going to take the trash out on my way down and she was in that area already.  As we drove the twenty minutes there, I filled her in.

Pulling into the AMVETS, the first thing I noticed was that Brittany was smoking.

“Please dear God do not let that near my car. It will smell like smoke for years!”

“I’ll put it out, it will be fine.  I was really stressed!”

She got in and I started gagging a little because of the smoke smell.

“Ugh! Can’t you leave that outside?”

“Can we go now?” She asked, ignoring my question.

I paused the car a bit while pulling out to see if any of the baseball-playing guys were cute.

-line break-

Jake snickered at me, bringing me out of the story for a second. He smokes too.

I smacked him lightly on the arm; I didn’t approve of his smoking habit either. Mostly because I was just waiting for the opportunity to kiss him again, and I didn’t want to taste the cigarette in his mouth.

-line break-

“So wait, he’s married? For real?” Katie asked.

“Yeah, it’s all real.”

She repeated most of the story, adding a few extra parts that I didn’t know about. Like about how when she asked to borrow my pregnancy test, which I’d forgotten about all about given the later events of the day, she’d been serious.
“Seriously, you were fine with not being on birth control and him not pulling out?” Katie asked her.

“Pulling out is NOT very effective either!” I reminded her.

Katie looked at me.

“It’s better than nothing though!”

In the backseat Brittany was crouched up in a ball next to the door.

“He said he wanted to have a kid with me.  He’d buy a house in the country for us, I could drop out of school, and he would get a different job so that he could be around more often.  We were going to raise the baby together.”

There was dead silence in the car for a second, and then both Katie and I spoke at once.

“You were going to drop out of school?”

“A house in the country together?”

Brittany started looking embarrassed.  I was trying desperately hard not to bring up the fact that there was no mention of getting married in those plans at all. I knew both other girls in the car didn’t hold as much stock in that as I did, but I’d had the perfect nuclear family growing up and was raised that people were supposed to get married before living together or having children. Actually, before having sex too, but I was used to others not sharing that idea.

We took Brittany back to her dad’s house and played with her dog and her new puppy a little bit before driving back to school because it was suppertime and we were both starving.  We met up with my roommates in the cafeteria and after getting our food, Katie and I filled them in on my day.  There was a consensus:

“I hope she’s not pregnant!”

-line break-

I stayed over at Jake’s dorm that night, watching movies and talking about old times.

“What are you going to do if she’s pregnant? What is she going to do?” he asked me.

“Well, there are always prenatal vitamins…” I started but I saw the look on his face.  “I don’t know. Help her through it? My roommates volunteered to help babysit. She can’t drop out of school though.  She’d never go back. Actually, she told me she was thinking about it anyway because it’s really hard for her and she can’t afford her car payment, credit card bill, and cell phone with the hours she’s getting now.  She wants to work full time to save up some money for next year and try school again then.”

“That’s pointless though, if she drops out now, then she wasted this whole semester.”

“Yeah, I know.”

We lapsed into silence. We didn’t know how to help her out of this one.

-line break-

I said goodbye to Jake and gave him a big hug before leaving.  I drove back to school and got lost in trying to write papers for finals.  A day or two later, Brittany texted me.

“Can I use that pregnancy test now?”

“Sure, you could come after supper.  Or now, either way.”

“My TV shows are on tonight, I’ll come now.”

“I’m glad you have your priorities straightened out.”

My roommate came in then and announced that one of her friends from work was coming over for 20 minutes or so before her soccer game, and that my roommate had to go to work in a half hour.  I told her that Brittany was coming over and why. They all knew Brittany, but they didn’t exactly love her company. I usually warned them when she was coming over so they could have time to hide.

“Tell her to hurry! I wanna see! I wanna see!”

I should have known my roommate would get excited as soon as she heard the words “pregnancy test.” I texted Britt and emphasized how she should hurry so my roommate could see the test before she had to work.

“Should I speed?”

“Yes. Well, okay, not through Taylorville because the cops there are jerks …and not though town either, actually, because I can hear sirens out the window right now. Just get here fast.”

My roommate and her friend came and went, but she told me that if Brittany arrived and did the test within 15 minutes to call her or text her at work with the answer. I paced around the room for a while, cleaning like I always do when I’m nervous or mad or angsty.  My roommate’s boyfriend came in to get something and I jumped, half sprinting for the door.  Then I saw that it was him.

“Sorry! I’m not Brittany” he said, laughing at the look on my face and how I was crouched over like I was going to spring at him if he'd been her.

I paced some more. And some more. Brittany opened the door at 5:23, which gave her seven minutes to take the test before my roommate was officially clocked in and couldn't check her phone anymore.  I grabbed the pregnancy test and shoved it into her hands, ushering her through the door that she’d just barely come through.

“Do you have to pee? My roommate had to go, but we have to call her with results before 5:30!”

Her phone started ringing, so I grabbed it and answered it, with one last shove at Brittany towards the bathroom at the end of the hall.

“Hello?” There was some giggling on the other end. I looked at the screen; it was Brittany’s little sister.

“Oh hey Ky, what’s up?”

“Nikki? Why do you have Brittany’s phone?”

“No reason, we’re just hanging out in my dorm. She’s in the bathroom. Did you want something?”

“Not really, I just wanted to say hi to her because it’s been a while since I’ve seen her. I miss her.”

“Okay, well she should be out soon, I’ll go check. Hey, say hi to mom and the twins for me!”

The way I fell back into calling her mother “Mom” like I used to in high school felt so natural I didn’t even realize I’d said it.  She was basically my little sister too; I’d spent so much of my life on their living room couch and in their kitchen.

I headed to the bathroom with the phone.

“Britt, I hope you’re done using the bathroom because our sister wants to talk to you.”

She handed me the pee stick (Ew!) and grabbed the phone.

I looked at it; it needed two minutes to develop properly. We walked carefully back to my room, covering the test with Britt’s sweatshirt sleeve so that people wouldn’t stare. I looked out the window while Brittany talked to her sister.

“They really miss me. I think I’m going to go home this weekend to see them.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while. Do you have the gas money?”

“I think so. I’ll make it work.”

“Okay, if not, I’ll let you know the next time that I’m heading back and you can hitch along with me.”

“Thanks Nikki.”

Her little sisters were the babies of the family. When Brittany and her older sister left, they didn’t really know how to adjust.

We looked at the pee stick.

“What do you think?” I didn’t want to say anything until I knew how she really felt about it.

“Well, I didn’t want it to happen because I can’t afford to take care of a baby right now, but part of me wanted it to happen. Just so I could rub it in his face that he did this to his wife and that he’d have to pay child support for 18 years.”

“Yeah…. Um, that’s not a good reason to have a baby. At all.”

“I know; that’s why I’m glad.”

“You are? You sure?”

“Yes.  I’m still going to double check in a week or so though.”

I gave her a big hug and let her go back home to watch her TV shows. I texted the result to Katie and my roommate because I knew that even though it was 5:32pm, she’d kill me if she had to wait until she got off work to know the answer.

-line break-

I called Jake next. I figured since I’d told him the whole story, I might as well call him and tell him the rest, rather than just texting the result to him. Maybe I just wanted to hear his voice. I won’t admit to that though.

“Hey Jake, guess what.”

“Oh God, what?”

“Way to sound paranoid. Anyway, I have the results of Britt’s preggo test in my hands right now.”

“In your hands? Ew. Make sure you wash them before you eat supper.”


“Okay, okay. What does it say?”

“You’re not going to guess?”

“Nikki, what does it say?”

“Okay, fine I’ll tell you. She’s not pregnant.”

“Thank God! I was actually scared for a minute there.”

“…why were you scared?”

“Because, never mind.”


“It’s nothing. We got drunk one night, I didn’t remember what happened the next morning and I didn’t think anything of it until you told me that she might be pregnant. Well, that’s a relief.”

“Um, yeah. I guess.” I hung up the phone before he could say anything else. That bitch.